The other day one of my students commented that my blogging posts are seemingly more difficult to read. Apparently, it is “too intellectual”…or something like that…
I guess it is great to know if people read my blog. I mean, who doesn’t want an audience, right? Well, is my blogging pretentious, preconceived or conscious of itself? I suppose I have to be conscious as I’d expect some people to read it.
Anyway, today I want to deliver a simple message to my students.
I am not trying to be the best lecturer or the best academic or the best scholar or the best thinker.
I just want to be the best trainer.
I have to try to be the best trainer because by tring to be the best, I will encounter the worse of me. The worse of me will make me think that I am human after all, and that I could still make mistakes and I will step by step correct them.
I am talking to students who wants to learn only.
Yes, we do have an audience, believe it or not. When we speak to a group of people, say students, half of them probably think I am bull-shitting and the other half would actually listen. But only a few would really want to connect.
The ones that actually listen will be doing so because they want to “cari makan” atau “cukup makan”. Enough to eat and get by or enough to know and find out whether it deals with the matters at hand. I am not saying that this lot is not good. No. They are being kind and all – to listen. But there is no connection. Don’t get me wrong – that is okay not having this connection…
The few who wants to connect is talking to me ( or relating to me) on a different plane. We could be friends.
It’s not like I have been teaching for a few years. Nope, I have been teaching for 11 years (excluding my PhD years). I have students who not necessarily under me before, who have now became my friends. A few are close friends.
When we decided to do anything in life, especially in a job where we deal with people, coach them or train them, it’s impossible to not invest emotions, passion and hard work in these things. You have to be a human to be a trainer.
Why don’t I just be a lecturer and just lecture and crit without having these investments?
I don’t operate like that. Whatever I do in life, it’s got to be all the way. That’s why I am sometimes kind of sensitive to things. I cannot just say I would commit and quit half-way. That’s why it took time for me to finally decide to be a lecturer for life, at the age of 37. ( Yup, I was still thinking about it even when I was a lecturer. At 37, I just started lecturing at UM after 2 years…)
To be trainer is not easy like being a 9-5 lecturer. To be a trainer, I need to learn new things and apply new skills fast. To be a really good trainer, even harder… Concentration must be very high. Correct application to the problem is essential.